Wednesday, Apr. 07, 2004 - 11:55 p.m.
I am working on my resume. It’s hard. I have had to begin an alternate resume to keep myself amused; so far, it looks like this:
Nerd
1978 – present
Read books. Amassed neuroses, trivia, and hobbies, but not the right ones. Acquired self-consciousness. Scorned mass youth culture. Wondered why everybody else’s pants fit so perfectly.
Online Diarist
2003 – present
Paraded said neuroses before audience of eight.
Zinester
1999 - 2001
See above.
Graduate student
2001 - 2003
Thought critically; drank.
Indie snob
1998 - present
Criticized; drank.
Musician
1999 - present
Drank.
Apartment dweller
1999 – present
Repaired sinks, toilets, hot water heaters, circuit breakers, leaky roofs. Wrote letters. Made telephone calls. Grumbled.
…and so on.
I worked with a girl in the writing center today who had a nervous habit of smooshing her boobs together between her palms. I felt sorry for the boobs – they were mashed almost flat against each other, her fingers up and palms flat, pressing in way too hard from each side as she stressed out over how to reword her introduction.
Job Interview Self Reminder Number One: Do not play with own boobs.