Monday, Jul. 05, 2004 - 10:19 a.m.
Oh, hello, bottom of the pool. Have you met Eva�s face? Oh, yes, I see that you have. What�s that, now? No, you�ve already met � you don�t need to meet again. It�s too late, though, I see.
Yes, I hit my face on the bottom of the pool not once but twice in celebration of this great country. I�ve been learning to dive at L�s house, so when we went to M&D�s yesterday for a party, I was excited to try out the diving board. On my third dive, I managed to skid along the bottom of the pool with my chin. It hurt, so I packed it in for a while and focused on getting drunk. This led, of course, to a renewed desire to work on my diving. This time it was my nose that made contact with the bottom of the pool.
It�s not as though the pool was that shallow; I�m just a graceless idiot.
So today I have pink abrasions on my face, black circles under my eyes, a swollen nose, and a killer headache. Neosporin and ibuprofen help a great deal, but I still look as though I�ve, um, fallen down the stairs. I figure if I stand up as straight as possible and smile confidently, I can avoid being handed too much literature on domestic violence.
I did other stupid things in honor of the Fourth. For instance, even though I carefully avoided watching �Independence Day� when it came out, for some reason I could not go to bed last night until I had seen every predictable moment of its Fox showing, including the15-minute stretches of advertising. Biggest big-penis moment? When the US president pilots one of the planes sent to bomb the aliens. Good god. I should have been smart like L and gone to bed.