Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005 - 1:07 p.m.
Lately on my daily walks around the neighborhood I�ve been imagining an assortment of violent yet heroic scenarios: what if I had to fight off a rapist? What if I punched someone who was abusing his dog? And, most recently, what if I saw a big dog attacking a child? That last one�s stayed with me for days. It�s incredibly unpleasant, but I can�t get rid of it. What would be the best way to stop the dog? I�d have the advantage of the dog�s jaws being busy with the child, so if I took it by surprise I think I could get it in a headlock. This would be easier on breeds with necks � I don�t know what I�d do with a pit bull. Anyway, if I could run up really fast, body-check the dog, get it in a headlock, and keep my body weight on it, hopefully it would release the child and I could hold on until it passed out. What if it kept hanging on, though? What next? I think I�d have to go for the eyes with my free hand. Gouge at its eyes. Or maybe I could get my keys out and stab it in the ribs. I�ve also heard that you can kill a dog by pulling its front legs apart really hard, so if I had to give up on the headlock I guess I would try that. Do you understand how disturbing this is, that I can�t stop thinking on my placid evening walks about how to maim or kill a dog? I can hear its sternum cracking and feel its eyeballs with my thumbs. I don�t want to hurt a dog.
In other, non-dog-hurting news, I think it�s time for my band (the main one, not the recent cover band) to break up. We all know it. We�ve all known it for months now. I just don�t want to give up hanging out with them every week. Practice this summer has been terribly slack. We�ll cancel for any reason, and we spend more than half our time at practice talking instead of playing. I don�t like the way I play bass for them � never have, really, even though I like the way the band tries to sound. I don�t have the proper ideas about rhythm and arrangements, and I�m not good enough to come up with those ideas. I want to play bum bum bum bum bum bum bum and sing whoa oh oh oh.
I�m tired of being in a band with L, too, because I don�t want to be dependent on him like that. We should each be responsible for our own leisure activities. A band�s a funny, moody organism, and L has not been in the mood lately. Neither have I, not so much, but that should be my problem, not ours.
I will find a new band. I just have to let the old one down easy first. That means a few more shows, a few more songs, and a great deal of beer. It will be a fun breakup.